I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
