We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
