Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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