A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
