i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
