So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
