Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
