So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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