Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
