around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
