Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
