...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
