So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Shame - the story of my life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
