cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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