You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
