We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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