They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
