Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
