why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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