the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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