I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
