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• (323): View more from California

  You know you want to come over later

  (1-323): View more from California

  1:27a: Um no

  (1-323): View more from California

  1:45a: Maybe

  (1-323): View more from California

  2:05a: Probably

  (1-323): View more from California

  2:38a: I'm outside, let me in

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...

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• (516): View more from New York

  Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...

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• (949): View more from California

  Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.

  (562): View more from California

  The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me

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• (209): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.

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• (714): View more from California

  So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar

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