i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize