Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
