I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
