i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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