I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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