Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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