everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize