I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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