Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
