Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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