He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
two words: eviction party
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
