I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
