How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
