I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
