I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
