what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize