if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
