Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
