There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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