Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
