Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize