I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
