how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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