Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
