It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
