Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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