i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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