you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
