Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
