my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
