Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
