I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
