I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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