weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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