That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
