Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
