afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
