We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
