I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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