i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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