I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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