Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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