What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
