I accidentally had phone sex last night
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize