Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
