WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
