That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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