No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
