never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
