Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
