Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
