i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
