So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
