come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
