Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
