omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
