I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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