true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
