how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
