You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
