How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize