I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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