$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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