Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
