Apparently you make a good broom.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
time to smoke my breakfast
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
