I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I touched a dick in church today
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
