the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
