this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize