dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
