sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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