yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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