the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
