How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
